I have just passed the 2 year mark from losing Brian.  I hate to say losing.  I did not lose my son.  He was taken to heaven at 22 years old.

I often reflect on my response over the last 2 years.  I still feel like I am in some sort of dream state.  I go through the motions of life.  I experience joy and happiness for others.  I am excited for my children and their future.

And yet, when I look deep, I see murky waters, clouded with bits of "what now?"  I feel like I should have a purpose.  I think I should have a purpose.  I know God has a purpose for my life. I continue to seek God's will for my life after losing a child.

There are many women who have lost children.  I am not alone. At the same time, it is a club of loners.  We tend to keep to ourselves.  I cannot speak for other moms.  However I know that I would be more than willing to walk alongside any mom who is going through the loss of a child.

Not because I have the answers.  There are no answers.  I do have arms to wrap around a grieving mom and shoulders to soak up tears of longing and loss.  I would gladly take away another mom's pain.  I cannot.

Some people have commented to me that I am strong.  My reply is "I am not strong.  My God is strong!"    How have those words led me through the past 25 months?  Where does that take me from this day?

I would like to examine that fuller as I face the days ahead.